was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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