yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
