my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
