walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
