You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
