You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
