im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
