clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
