I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize