it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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