Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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