i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
