Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
