she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
