We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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