we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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