He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize