she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
