I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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