after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
