Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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