well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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