sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
