My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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