i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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