Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
