it's like iHOP with fire
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
