My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
