no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
