I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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