I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
