i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
