When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
