you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
