I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
