Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
