I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
