I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
