I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
