I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My dick has a subreddit
They have beer where we have blood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
