there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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