and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Two words: blizzard sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
