My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
