omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
