Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
