No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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