anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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