youre lurking in front of me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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