I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
