Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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