noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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