I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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