i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
