ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We need to get me chipped asap
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize