just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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