Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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