I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
