why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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