I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
