Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
