News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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