Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
