so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
