you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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