I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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