I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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