I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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