Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
