thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
