I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
