so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
