there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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