real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
