Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
