when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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