i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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