I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
