I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
