I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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