So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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